Better and better

Hour by hour, day by day, the trauma is fading. Emotional trauma and physical trauma response to sober surgery. (0/5 stars, do not recommend)

I can compare all the pokes and scans for you in chronological order to non-medical procedures. Ultrasounds, a weird, slippery, hot stone massage. Tumor biopsy, hurt like a cat bite, but sounds like an ear-pricing gun. Mammogram, less bad than an automated blood pressure cuff. Chest port, a kick in the chest by a mean horse. And then I got trampled by it for another 8 minutes while the handlers gave me breathing tips. The spinal MRI without contrast was literally a cozy 90 minute nap. And a lymph biopsy (completed by a smaller tool than with the tumor biopsy), hurt only like a horse-fly bite, but it doesn’t sting and itch for any length of time.

I am very relieved that the pokes are done for this week. There were 23 agonizing hours between port placement and the lymph biopsy, and it took about 23 minutes to feel 60% better after the biopsy was done. I bounce back quick. There’s video of me dancing side by side with my baby. But, man oh man, I do not like pokes.

So today was dressing day. I asked Nick’s aunt to do it for me, to do it for Nick, she’s a nurse and teaches future nurses. The sticky bandage came off easy-peasy because my skin was very oily and sweaty from stress and more stress. I looked down and was confused by what I didn’t see.

Everything is out of sight, out of mind. But I’ll tell you, I was completely expecting to have a flip top lid like a tube of toothpaste sticking out of my chest. Kind of like the Matrix. I actually called Roswell and told them there was nothing there, was there supposed to be something there? The nurse who called me back kindly laughed with me as she reassured me that no, I’m supposed to see anything.

So the skin around the port looks good. A little sticky from adhesive, a little crusty, but bouncey skin, nice normal pink, just a little bruise. I noticed that the old bandage got saggy as the swelling went down. Every time I got out of a recumbent position, the swelling was less sloshy. The new bandage over the port is perfect and clean. Now I just can’t shower for another 6 days.


Don’t worry, I’ve got creative to stay dry up top but still wash up. I get sufficiently clean and functionally refreshed, but that just ain’t the same feeling as a hot shower washing everything away.

This night, I hope I can sleep and move my neck about comfortably. I believe I can manage it, because there’s no big heavy duty bandage stuck on my neck. Just some steri-strips over the little poke spot. Plus I put on some biofreeze on my back to loosen up the tension.

(I am accepting applications for a visiting masseuse who accepts payment in the form of baby cuddles and giggles.)

Oh! But the best news is that tomorrow, Nick and I get to see our baby bump. We get to be a normal pregnant couple getting a normal ultrasound at the normal 12 week checkup. Another weird, slippery, hot stone massage. But this one’s happy.

We’ll hear a heartbeat.

We’ll count fingers and toes.

We’ll see something, someone, very, very special.

I’ll add a sonogram photo here of I can!

Hopefully, there’s only one someone to meet tomorrow. Dun dun dun.

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