Last night I had a panic attack of all panic attacks. I’ve done some prepping to make tonight and tomorrow go as smoothly as possible. Sleepy tea. Hot shower. Candy. Clean sheets. Sleep soundtrack.

Monday, August first 2022 is here already. It took forever to get through July. But we’re here. Bump and I are in the second trimester. No morning sickness, just some fatigue and real fragile mental health.

I’m told that the lack of morning sickness might be an indicator that I won’t have too nauseous of an experience with chemo. That’s encouraging. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t throw up. I. Don’t. Throw up. If I’m throwing up, I’m having an anaphylactic response to tree nuts. So I guess I’m good as long as I’m not allergic to chemo. Fingers crossed.

I’ve got some good advice this weekend from people who’ve had infusions of one sort or another, including chemo.

I can’t control this, I’ve got to ride the waves and listen to my body.

The best way to win a fight with a bear is to believe in myself and do it for my family.


Speak up. Advocate for myself. Let my team know what is going on inside my head. Ask for help. Now this one’s going to be tricky. But if I get the hang of this, I’ll come out of this cancer a more well-rounded human.

So far, I bet I can expect to be prodded and poked around my port like you feel when you get a regular flu shot. No problem.

I bet I’ll feel the infusion going in. I’m hyper sensitive. I didn’t constantly feel the IV fluid when I was laboring with George. But I could taste it. I know I can eat during the treatment though. So that’ll solve that.

I’ll bring a blanket in case I get chilly.

I’m allowed and encouraged to walk around and stretch and use the bathroom the entire time. Just got to bring my wheelie infusion thing with me. So I can manage any restlessness.

I’m allowed to nap if I get sleepy. So that’ll be nice.

Nick will be with me. The whole time. So I won’t be lonely.

We’ll bring books and iPad and chargers and ear buds to keep entertained.

I also have two hours of therapy booked after the treatment.

I think I’m prepared. I also meal planned the week.

The only thing I didn’t plan for before today was this damn head cold. George and I have runny noses, stuffy sinuses, and sneezes. I don’t have a fever, chills, or COVID. It’s too bad I already have the day off work tomorrow. This is the kind of cold I often wish for. It’s enough to get you out of work or school. But I don’t feel too crappy, sore, or lethargic. I could really go for some Price Is Right game show action with hot cocoa while fresh, clean laundry warms up the living room.

With that happy thought, I’ll go to sleep now. Wish me luck tomorrow.

2 responses to “”

  1. Sandy McFarland Avatar
    Sandy McFarland

    It is fine to panic, it is ok to feel what you feel. You control this journey and remember it is YOUR journey. Feel what YOU need to feel. Give the wheelie infusion thing a name. It is your new friend that will be with you, the bump and Nick fighting that f%#@ing tumor. Hugs.


  2. Linda Soetemon Avatar
    Linda Soetemon

    I continue to keep you in my prayers, you are an amazing young lady sounds like you got this and are prepared for anything i have a good feeling you will beat this I’ve never been wrong yet


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: