Finally we start the rest of chemo. The beginning of finding out how and when my family will meet my daughter.
I don’t remember feeling this determined when starting Adriamycin and Cytoxan. I wasn’t. George was sick and teething and didn’t sleep all night and for the rest of the week.
I feel impatient to start today. I kept checking the schedule. At first I thought I’d start at 7:45 AM, but that was an old schedule. When I realized the appointment was at 9 AM, I was exasperated. (I’m glad I didn’t show up ninety minutes early, but still.) Nick was glad, because he’s more concerned with things like logistics of arranging George care. Makes sense. Thank goodness.
I just spend all day stuck in my head. Fixating on things like: what if I don’t take to Taxol; what if I can’t start today because I have low counts; what if I have such a bad reaction that I end up in the hospital again; what if my baby bump is hurt by this cocktail. I’d rather just get started already and find out.
So we divide and conquer in our household. Mom does all the worrying. Dad does all the logistics. I have got to work on that split, but life’s a work in progress.
I dedicate this determination to my hero and inspiration: Gibson. Pray for him today, too.
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