Lump n Bump

I am grateful.

Everything is relative. I am grateful for my family’s health. George’s runny nose is much less noticable today. He napped like a champion this afternoon when he wasn’t running like a marathoner.

This evening he fell asleep in my arms. His beautiful little face leaned into my body, soft little breaths whispered through his lips.

There was barely enough room on my lap for him; my belly is big and so is George. Soon he won’t be a baby anymore. Soon he will be a big brother. We’re all squashed trying to be as close as possible and I wouldn’t have it any other way right now. (The trade-off is my discomfort, but then again, I have relative cause to be grateful.)

Do you realize the horrible alternatives to my circumstances? I shudder. They occur to me more frequently. A bit like intrusive thoughts. My best strategy to resolve reoccurring intrusive thoughts is to drive in. Explore them. Follow my fears through to the end of the thought experiment and find a solution to every outcome.

The tricky thing is, balancing the fallout from opening myself up to so many fears. Now is not quite yet the right time. I need to refresh my grounding techniques; I need to have time and space to process my intrusive thoughts. I also need to go to sleep right now, it’s past my bedtime and I’m sleepy.