Lump n Bump

I have discussed my limitations.

I have discussed my frustrations.

I have discussed my desire for control and consistency.

I am approaching peace, balance, and harmony.

I can tell because today was a good day. I packed lunch and snacks. I ordered my favorite fast food breakfast before I got in the car. I did all the self-care things to prepare for a good day. For me and my family.

I got George ready for Grammy and Grandpadee’s. My son was happy with the familiar routine and expectations. Nick got him out the door early. I reset my house and tidied while I got myself ready for work.

My husband and I communicated well and coordinated our lunchtime counseling meeting. We had an excellent hour with Mariah. We applauded ourselves, acknowledged our growth and thanked each other. We made plans for the future and validated one another’s concerns and hopes.

I worked hard and accomplished a lot in the office. I took breaks when I was tired. I met deadlines and finished reports. I drank water, and watered my plants. My succulents are flowering!

As am I.

I am a good mother.

I am a good wife, a good friend.

I am a good employee, a good manager.

I am a good person…

…a good person despite the changes forced on me; especially because of the changes forced on me.

It feels like just a moment ago, I felt guilty for having restricted involvement in my family’s care. I resented the new limitations that held me back in chores and work. I despised expecting less of myself. I didn’t fully trust my village, or more precisely, I didn’t want to trust my village.

Today was different for the first time. I don’t feel guilty today, I don’t feel angry today, I don’t feel impatient today. I felt coordinated. I felt peaceful. I felt methodical today. I felt energetic today (that might be the steroids talking). Its strange to admit, but not having guilt, anger, and impatience motivate my existence is new for me. I look forward to a coordinated, peaceful, and methodical day again tomorrow, whatever my energy level may be.

With time, encouragement, communication, and prioritizing my health I am evolving into an effective person.

And then I made mother fucking cookies!