Lump n Bump

Tomorrow’s Thursday. I’ve had a hard time with Thursdays after Taxol. I can expect to be tired by about 2 in the afternoon. I want to be home by 3 so that I can take care of myself if that’s the case.

I’ve made a plan with my counselor’s encouragement to have a strategy to effectively rest. This is really my idea, but when she asked what I do when I decide to stay home and rest because I physically can’t safely drive to work, I honestly replied “I feel guilty the rest of the day.” This was enlightening. I had never verbalized how I felt when I admit defeat and call off work.

Never have I recovered much strength when I stay at home to have a sick day. I end up sore and achy and heavy hearted because I’ve spent the whole day on the couch or in bed feeling bad about myself: bad for not being productive at work; bad for not catching up on chores; bad for not connecting with loved ones. That is depression, folks. Its not good.

So I’ve always persuaded myself to leave home and go to work where I don’t get as depressed while I’m productive. …Unless I do not have a productive day. Then I just go home after eight hours exhausted, depressed, burned out and even more unwell as I was in the morning.

So what am I to do?

I made a little rest plan to follow on days or mornings, or afternoons when I’ve run out of wellness. A small list of things I like to do that restore me mentally and/or physically. I’ll commit to a few appealing things, and complete them just as long as I am comfortable or able to enjoy them.

• take a hot bath
• drink a hot beverage
• watch a favorite movie
• reread a favorite book
• do a face mask
• stretch
• go outside
• eat good food
• do a craft
• call my mom

There are so many restorative things to do; hours of self-loathing do not help me. I will try a new tactic to help myself.