Lump n Bump

Why do I even need to do this? Its dumb. I’m going to fail because steroids artificially jack up your body. I have been taking IV steroids every Monday for three months directly into my heart. I have two Mondays left of those damn steroids.

But I only have 5 weeks to go until I have my baby. And those 5 weeks are the holidays. I’m not going to follow any stupid diabetic diet. I want to eat Christmas cookies and rich meals; consequences be damned because I am surviving CANCER.

Like, look at the grand scheme of things; gestational diabetes will GO AWAY in, like, 5.5 weeks. I’ll stop having chemo and steroids in 2 weeks. With steroids out of the picture, I’ll likely not have a problem metabolizing. But if you take away the steroids now, and I will not be able to get off the floor to take care of my body, my baby, my other baby, or get ready for labor and childbirth.

I’m whining. This is pouting. I’m upset because the 3 hour challenge was supposed to be today. I was very proud of myself for getting an appointment so quickly, no delaying, despite having these complaints in the back of my head. I was so mature and brave, and prepared for this test.

And then the paperwork I had said non-fasting, so I ate a good breakfast of eggs and toast and had my coffee to trick my body into thinking that this was a normal morning where I was not leaving my house in the pitch-black, pre-dawn hour going to drink a gross drink and then sit still for three hours in a stupid boring room while the phlebotomist periodically drags me into her work room and takes blood out of me three times. I really have to do some mental fucking gymnastics to get to this dumb test that I’m GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY.

So now I get to come to work this morning at 7 AM. Go to my OB appointment at 10 AM. Come back to work. And go back to the phlebotomist tomorrow at 6 AM again. Before the sun comes up. Hungry. and Thirsty. Just to have blood drawn three times to tell us what I already know. I won’t pass the glucose challenge because my body is set up to fail it because its medically necessary to give me steroids during chemotherapy because I have cancer.

So freaking dumb.